Category: Self Love Rituals

Be the first voice you hear

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Oh give yourself this. Even five minutes. Give yourself the listening. Give yourself the floor – before anyone else takes over.

I know what it’s like to roll over and open my phone, still half asleep, half in the webs of unfinished dreams.

It’s such a vulnerable, lovely state.

I know what it’s like to hand the mic to others – even random others – first thing in the morning. And then mentally begin forming responses, weighing my opinions, reacting to the tone set by whatever won the algorithm lottery that day.

And I know what it’s like to wake with quiet. With my hand reaching not for my phone, but a pen. My heart. Or reaching for my keys and getting outside with my own sense of the day, before it unfolds.

You don’t have to have a morning routine or write morning pages or meditate for 30 minutes – though these things can of course be wonderful nourishing practices.

Just be the first. Just give a tiny moment of space. One breath. See how you even are, before you decide how you will react. Calibrate yourself before weighing in.

Take a beat, before you open the door.

Yours is the most important voice.

Talk to Me Like Lovers Do

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One of my self love practices is to take love songs and imagine it written to me, from me. I try on the messages of desire, adoration, awe and emotion as though it is a conversation with myself, not someone else. How does it feel, to wail with passion for the person I am already, the body I occupy, the dream I am becoming?

This practice can be illuminating, tender and often hilarious. Try this at home. 🦋🎧💙

Digital art of turquoise storm sky with the lyrics "walk with me like lovers do talk to me like lovers do" by The Eurythmics hand written in the rain.

Forgive Yourself – really.

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For plans you cancelled. For the traditions you didn’t have energy for this year. For shopping where you didn’t really want to shop. For the calls you meant to return. For the guilt you feel.

Forgive yourself for the boundaries you didn’t set. And the ones you didn’t reinforce. And the ones you aren’t really sure how to articulate, even to yourself.

Forgive yourself for the uplifting intentions you lost sight of. For the goals you thrust upon yourself when you thought you needed purpose – but instead you really needed to unravel, unravel, unravel.

Forgive yourself for losing faith.
For wishing things were different.

Forgive yourself for pretending things are normal.
And the relief you felt, if only briefly, when you let yourself zing that terrible, cynical joke.

Forgive yourself by naming all the stones you carry in your heart, your pockets, the lining of your coat.

Name each one.
To a friend. To the sky.
Feel the weight of each stone in your palm.

You don’t have to “make up” for anything.
You don’t have to defend or explain.

Forgive yourself, but only if you want to.
Forgive yourself, as many times as you need to.

And know that none of this means you “don’t love yourself”.

So if that’s a stick you are beating yourself with, let me snatch it from you right now. 🙂

I see you on this self love path.

Discovering again and again, that self love isn’t what you thought it was. It’s so much more.

Just like you.

So much more than what you first thought you were.

Self-Care Cards

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When your self-care needs are especially high – a breakup, mental health challenge, a significant loss, or just a really hard day – sometimes the kindest thing you can do is lower your expectations. We all have these times. It is easy to forget the obvious things that help us nurture ourselves back to stability and calm.

You could make a self-care check-list.

I did that.

But in list form, self-care felt like one more thing “to do”.

A check list by definition, has expectations. It expects you to check things. When I lower the bar, I like to lower it all the way to the ground. I like to bury the bar entirely.

Nothing teaches you to lower your expectations quite like a brain injury.

Making self-care cards took the expectation out while still keeping a written record of the obvious things I forget when I need them most. With cards, self-care becomes a game. I can make up the rules. Plus, they feel good to touch.

When I made these cards, I was lowering my expectations a LOT. Some days I didn’t even bother with the cards at all. And even then, I was able to celebrate a self-care “win” – because one of the cards says: That’s enough. Surrender. It’s okay. You’re okay.

What would your self-care cards say?

What helps you? What little actions + thoughts feel nurturing? The beauty of making your own self care deck is that it will speak specifically to YOU. Your needs, your current abilities, your personal preferences. Do you feel cared for when you paint sparkles on your nails? Do you feel cared for when you go on a long sweaty run? Do you feel cared for when you have permission to zone out with a video game for a little while?

Making the cards = self-care craft time

Your cards don’t have to be fancy. They don’t even have to be the same size – it’s not like you’re playing poker with them. You can cut up a light weight poster board or use index cards cut in half. LOWER EXPECTATIONS.

If it’s been a while since you’ve used markers or art supplies, make it an afternoon. Put on an audiobook or podcast (I know a good one!) and allow yourself some low-key colouring time. Remember these are just for you – they can be as simple or decorative as you’d like. I wrote out the self care act in black marker, and then coloured around the words with pencil crayon.

How to use them:

First of all, make sure you…

  • Make easy ones – set yourself up for success (try “tidy something tiny”)
  • Make fun ones – give yourself points for re-watching Gilmore Girls if it makes you feel better
  • Make kind ones – the whole point is self care. Leave the “shoulds” out of it.

Keep them general enough so you can easily do them. I have a card that reads Grooming + Body Tending – this could mean anything. I don’t have to make separate cards for a face scrub or a home pedicure or playing with make-up. Any act counts.

Also, be specific so you can easily do them. I have a card that reads Get Naked and Nap. For me, the specificity of getting naked changes the nap entirely. Getting naked frees my body from restrictions and makes it much more difficult to get up for “just a second” to do something “important” (read: resisting rest). Naked naps are intentional and delicious.

Once you have your first set of cards (even 3 cards can make a deck) play with different ways to bring them into your day:

  • Select one at random. Shuffle the cards and listen to your intuition.
  • Select one with intention. What would feel the best right now?
  • Select a few the night before and lay them out as reminders for the next day – is there one you haven’t used for a while? Like washing your hair? This is a gentle way to notice what needs special attention.
  • Keep them on a small dish where you can see them + dip in as you please – like a candy dish.

Remember: Your self-care needs may be fluid

Your self-care needs will rise and flow and change depending on where you are and what you are going through. The support you need to move through a breakup may be different from the support you need during a busy work season.

Listen to what you really need. Not what you think self-care should look like. Allow your answers to be right. They are right, for you.